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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Office

I know it's been awhile. There is no excuse offered, except that I just wasn't in the mood to blog. Why blog? In my opinion it's got to be something I enjoy doing for myself, before I can offer some words and family updates to my readers. Okay, so I gave an excuse but I'm not apologizing.

This morning I'm finding myself in a situation I hate. I can't sleep. I've been up since 3:30 due to my constant coughing keeping me and my husband awake. While being propped up on pillows helps, sitting up is much better for my asthma. In the last 45 minutes my coughing has subsided. Currently I am sitting on the couch in our living room in the dark with only the glow of my computer providing some light. It is kind of nice having the house this quiet and dark. At this point if I try to look around I can't really see anything, so my household responsibilities aren't evident. It's nice.

Because I choose to stay at home, I see the house as my office. All of it. Everything from the laundry down to the crumb on the floor I mentally and (most days) physically take on as my responsibility. I can't function if I don't. Seriously, to me mess creates chaos in my mind. I'm not implying that my house is perfect. Currently there are still a few dishes from last night's dinner in the sink, laundry on the guest room bed that needs to folded and put away, and lots of crumbs on the floor of my kitchen. It just looms over me though. When things are not complete I feel unsatisfied and almost like I'm not pulling my weight.

I enjoy doing administrative work because it involves order, lots of to do list's, and there's a stopping point for tasks. Administrative work gives such a sense of completion. Does that make sense? When I used to leave my office at the end of the day even though there were projects that took me weeks to complete, it still had its' own little area and was neatly labeled and put away in my file drawer. It was out of sight and awaiting completion. My function and chaos level was much more easily controlled then.

My "office" of the last two years does not provide this sense that I search for. Many days I find that my attitude suffers and I dread the thought of a simple task being dragged out of the cabinet and ending up in the middle of my living room floor. Sometimes it's the lack of praise and pats on the back for being so on top of things. Then it turns into something uglier...resentment. Sigh...

However, even in the midst of piles of laundry, sticky hands on my windows, and dishes in the sink, God speaks.

Honor me.

Before your family and before yourself...Honor me.

Honor me with the work of your hands.

If you don't get it all done today, it's okay. Live your life honorably so that those who enter your home will see MY Glory.

When I view my work as honoring God my attitude changes, resentment is lifted, and chaos is managed. Crumbs are still not gone, laundry is still there, and dishes remain endless, but God provides me assurance that I'm making it. I don't want to strive to be some ideal woman. That's foolish. Rather, when someone asks me if like where I work I can truthfully answer saying, "Yes, I enjoy my office and I LOVE my job".

On another note:
Even though I haven't shared this publicly on the blog before now, I think many of you know that Jacob is going to be a big brother! Even better... we found out today that it's going to be another boy!!! It warms my heart to think of having two little boys so close in age. Jacob will have been 2 years old for 2 months when the baby is born in July. My nephews are this close together in age and they are the best of friends. I pray that mine will have a similar experience.

Well, I'm going to try and get a cat nap before the sun comes up. Blessings.

Pictures and Jacob updates will come soon...hopefully. :)