OLD HABITS ARE HARD TO BREAK

Brooke who is my wonderful nurse commented that she could not believe how fast my pregnancy has gone. I told her that I had to agree. The second one is far different than the first. I'm much more sore with this one, and a lot more tired. I have spent most of my pregnancy pushing through much of the discomfort and fatigue. It's been worth it though. I really enjoy staying busy and being on top of things. However the last few weeks have proved to be quite a challenge. Jacob's most wonderful Mother's Day Out program dismissed at the end of May, and my weekly Bible Study is taking the Summer off. The weeks following have presented a challenge for structure and sanity especially in the midst of my final weeks counting down to Johnny. I have been working on a new routine that is partially planned throughout the week (with some flexibility), but I have tried not to get any of us tied down too much due to the arrival of our little guy, and the rest and down time my body keeps telling me I need.

Did I mention this was a challenge? I'm sure that any one of you can relate that change of habit brings on a time of adjustment. My two year old has experienced this, and thought himself clever enough to attempt at manipulating the circumstances while preying on my lack of energy. He got the best of me. Seriously, allow me to elaborate on the gripping details...

It all started with BITING! Yes, I have the marks to prove it! I couldn't believe it actually happened, but I don't believe it was in anger or with much understanding of the the pain it caused. It was still awful and the discipline to follow wasn't easy but I think he got the hint really quick. Oh yeah, then there was HITTING. Jacob has an obsession with the garbage can (the kitchen garbage can), and is constantly putting his hands and mouth on it. Gross! In my attempt to "engage" Jacob so he understand that his mommy meant no he proceeded to hit me in the face and tell me no. This of course happened the day after he had bit me, so my confidence was beginning to crack. I still took on a strict course of action, but I had a hard time removing my scowl when seated with the family over dinner. There were also numerous tantrums during my errand days and even at the public library. I cried to myself, to God, and to Jason, and my mom on a number of occasions during those first few weeks of adjustment and I can confidently say that I survived and so did Jacob. Sigh...I know there are only more challenging times to come, but that was by far some of my hardest two weeks of motherhood/discipline I've ever experienced. Our little man has come around and is really impressing both Jason and me. He can be such a terror at times, but I still can see his heart and I KNOW that it is good.

It's times like these that God nudges me and lets me see myself through the rebellion of my own child. Ouch! Do you have to make it so obvious Lord?! Why does this change of habit have to be so hard?! Forgive me. Thank you for disciplining me in my time of rebellion. I know that means you are still close to me and your love abounds far greater than I deserve.

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Baby Johnny Update:
The sono we had a few weeks ago showed no complications. I was measuring small so they wanted to make sure everything was still on track. There is no change in my due date and Johnny looked great. He's just little. Big surprise! He weighed 4.13 two weeks ago when I was nearly 35 weeks which put him in the 29th percentile. I went back to the doctor yesterday and had a routine GBS test, which I doubt there will be any problems. I also found out I'm dilated 1cm. This is no surprise to me and if it's anything like Jacob I could sit at a few cm's for weeks! I may be eating my words but I'm not counting on it. Actually, considering the size of Johnny I'd like for him to bake a little longer. We go back to the doctor next week for a routine sono and hopefully he has grown some. I was measuring yesterday at 30cm and I'm 36 weeks... Again, we just long and pray for a healthy baby boy.

Have I mentioned I am going completely natural with this delivery? Some of you are familiar with my experience with Jacob, so you would understand why. I'm really excited about this, and I think Jason is still trying to get used to the idea but it's going to be totally different and I really am looking forward to that. I am still delivering in a hospital, just a doula rather than drugs. I will let you know how it goes and what I honestly think. Promise. For those of you who think I'm crazy, then you obviously haven't heard about my last experience. To deliver Johnny that same way...now that would be crazy! :) I know it's what is best for us.

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Pictures

Adorable huh? Jacob loves to strum Jason's guitar. He's quite the little musician who is always singing and can even match my pitch when I sing it to him. Don't you know this excites me?!


Jacob's last day of school had a really fun carnival type setting with a bounce house. Needless to say, he loved it!


This was back in April on his Birthday. This car has been so much fun for him. He just loves "beep beep's"!


The Fire Truck Birthday! What a blast! He was so excited to be sitting up there he just started clapping his hands.


Back in March on a much needed trip to Taos. It's extremely hard to get Jacob still for pictures. This was the best one...

Well, hopefully I'll do a little bit better on updating due to more time and lots of change to come soon!

Blessings.